I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
