guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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