The maid of honor just puked.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
