i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
