Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
is it fun? or sober?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
