Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
