Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dicks are not precious.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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