I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just forgot I was standing up.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
