When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
