You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
