hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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