I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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