drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
