dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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