when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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