I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
