If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
