at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
