I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
