How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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