Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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