I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
