Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
