Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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