Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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