i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
