Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
