I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
