I like my sex mixed with concussions.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
