omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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