Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
