I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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