I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
