did you get engaged???
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
