I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I looked at my own cervix.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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