We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
