I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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