the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
