YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
