He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
