This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
