yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
