Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
