I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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