Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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