Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
