I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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