She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
