were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
