I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
