i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
