whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
